SO TO GET MY FRIENDS TO HELP ME DO TEA THINGS, I BRIBE THEM WITH FOOD. AND I DON’T FUCK AROUND.

I MADE JACKIE COOKIES WITH THE BLOOD OF HER ENEMIES. HERE, HAVE A RECIPE:

RED VELVET CRINKLE COOKIES AKA THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES COOKIES

  • THIS IS THE EASIEST FUCKING RECIPE EVER. YOU USE A FUCKING BOX OF RED VELVET CAKE MIX.
  • AND 6 TABLESPOONS OF BUTTER
  • MELTED BUTTER. MELT IT WITH YOUR RAGE.
  • AND TWO EGGS. FROM EVIL CHICKENS, IF POSSIBLE. EVIL CHICKENS ARE USUALLY FREE RANGE.
  • AND A SPLASH OF BAILEY’S BECAUSE MOTHER FUCKING BAILEY’S.
  • JUST MIX ALL OF THOSE THINGS IN A BOWL. FUCK USING A MIXER, USE A WOODEN SPOON LIKE A MAN.
  • ONCE YOU HAVE A THICK, STICKY DOUGH, PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE FOR A WHILE. AN HOUR IF YOU HAVE TIME TO SPARE. 15 MINUTES IF YOU NEED COOKIES RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
  • ROLL THE DOUGH INTO 1” BALLS (haha, balls). ROLL THE BALLS (ha) IN A SHALLOW BOWL FILLED WITH POWDERED SUGAR
  • PUT THe COOKIES A COUPLE INCHES APART ON A COOL, PARCHMENT LINED COOKIE SHEET.
  • BAKE AT 375 DEGREES FOR 10 MINUTES OR SOMETHING
  • ALLOW TO COOL
  • (OR NOT)
  • DEVOUR
  • (SUFFER TONGUE BURNS)

SORRY JACKIE I’LL MAKE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES PUDDING NEXT TIME.

  1. theproperleverage reblogged this from areyoutryingtodeduceme
  2. openhotpot reblogged this from totallynotarobot
  3. themundaneinstruments reblogged this from areyoutryingtodeduceme
  4. mcalloway15 reblogged this from areyoutryingtodeduceme
  5. drew-bird reblogged this from areyoutryingtodeduceme
  6. wheresmydamncookie reblogged this from cleverwitticism
  7. phoenix-run reblogged this from mydickisthealpha
  8. theexparrot reblogged this from areyoutryingtodeduceme
  9. through-your-playground-eyes reblogged this from agentcum
  10. agentcum reblogged this from jackiemakescomics
  11. ankhranger reblogged this from viva-la-butts
  12. pocketfullobroseys reblogged this from viva-la-butts
  13. viva-la-butts reblogged this from drmcawesome
  14. drmcawesome reblogged this from coconuttygrey
  15. turklets reblogged this from coconuttygrey
  16. coconuttygrey reblogged this from siksta
  17. noblepaulsen reblogged this from areyoutryingtodeduceme
  18. putmeonyourtoast reblogged this from luxkay
  19. luxkay reblogged this from hide-behind-green-eyes
  20. allamericanheroine reblogged this from kiri-kay
  21. peppersgotapen reblogged this from kiri-kay
  22. kiri-kay reblogged this from rawrjair
  23. rawrjair reblogged this from tavbroski
  24. fluent-in-snark reblogged this from 221bbakerstreetissherlocked