SO TO GET MY FRIENDS TO HELP ME DO TEA THINGS, I BRIBE THEM WITH FOOD. AND I DON’T FUCK AROUND.

I MADE JACKIE COOKIES WITH THE BLOOD OF HER ENEMIES. HERE, HAVE A RECIPE:

RED VELVET CRINKLE COOKIES AKA THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES COOKIES

  • THIS IS THE EASIEST FUCKING RECIPE EVER. YOU USE A FUCKING BOX OF RED VELVET CAKE MIX.
  • AND 6 TABLESPOONS OF BUTTER
  • MELTED BUTTER. MELT IT WITH YOUR RAGE.
  • AND TWO EGGS. FROM EVIL CHICKENS, IF POSSIBLE. EVIL CHICKENS ARE USUALLY FREE RANGE.
  • AND A SPLASH OF BAILEY’S BECAUSE MOTHER FUCKING BAILEY’S.
  • JUST MIX ALL OF THOSE THINGS IN A BOWL. FUCK USING A MIXER, USE A WOODEN SPOON LIKE A MAN.
  • ONCE YOU HAVE A THICK, STICKY DOUGH, PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE FOR A WHILE. AN HOUR IF YOU HAVE TIME TO SPARE. 15 MINUTES IF YOU NEED COOKIES RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
  • ROLL THE DOUGH INTO 1” BALLS (haha, balls). ROLL THE BALLS (ha) IN A SHALLOW BOWL FILLED WITH POWDERED SUGAR
  • PUT THe COOKIES A COUPLE INCHES APART ON A COOL, PARCHMENT LINED COOKIE SHEET.
  • BAKE AT 375 DEGREES FOR 10 MINUTES OR SOMETHING
  • ALLOW TO COOL
  • (OR NOT)
  • DEVOUR
  • (SUFFER TONGUE BURNS)

SORRY JACKIE I’LL MAKE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES PUDDING NEXT TIME.

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